“Confidence isn’t optimism or pessimism, and it’s not a character attribute. It’s the expectation of a positive outcome.“ Rosabeth Moss Kanter

As Kanter said, Confidence isn’t about thinking that you will only achieve what you want or that your life will be perfect all the time. Confidence is this calming feeling deep down in your gut knowing that you are capable. It is about trusting in your work, your abilities or simply your way of life. Confidence is to realistically know your chances of success and to be brave (and calm) enough to act the way you want. It is about bringing your life closer to the point of where you want it to be without doubting your way. Simply said: It is this „Everything will be just fine“ kind of mindset.

On the other hand confidence isn’t about coming into a room thinking that you’re better than everyone else. It should never be confound with arrogance even though the line between these two often is very thin. When a person is confident they don’t need to compare themselves to others because they just know where they are headed and that this is the right way for them. It should never be leading to a point where you put yourself above others but you should be respecting their way and concentrate on your own.

Confidence should be distinguished from self-esteem. When confidence is about trusting our abilities and to expect a good result, self-esteem means how we see our self-worth. It shows how much of the good things in life we think we deserve.

When we think of confidence we always have certain people in our head that in our perception are confident. We often see confidence as a strong character trait when it is actually more of a mindset. Nowadays character is seen as a set of competencies we personally use to act morally. Character traits are for example to be understanding, courageous or careful. Confidence actually is a combination of several such traits but never the same in each confident person. But they all have one in common: they are secure. Maybe not in every part of life since confidence can also appear regarding business or relationships or even just specific topics, but in this specific part they feel secure.

For building these character traits that lead to a confident behavior we get a lot in our early childhood and even from our genetics. But they are never set from there. Education and outer experiences in our young adult life have an significant influence on our confidence. What we experience in our family, school or further education will leave remarkable impacts on how we trust our abilities. But nothing is totally lost if these experiments weren’t that good. We can always invest more into character developement and „learn“ and „earn“ these traits that will make us confident. Also we will never stop to experience situations that will impact our confidence.

Lots of researches have been made regarding confidence and its source but it still is an discussed topic. In conclusion this post can only be an abstract of an complicated topic.

Lots of love,


“When you have confidence, you can do anything.” – Sloane Stephens

… but what is this super magical thing everybody is talking about. They make it seem like the all-time wonder-weapon against everything, so it must be really good to have. That is one the reasons why I am searching for it.

I bet I am not the only one wondering about what self-confidence actually is. In order to become confident, we have to know what we are dealing with right here. So let’s find out what we already know before I start researching and bringing out the facts.

The best way to find out what we already know about this important topic is making a mind map. I know this sounds a lot like these boring school projects but let’s give it a try.

How to create a mind map.

  1. Write „self-confidence“ in the centre of a piece of paper.
  2. Add everything that comes to your mind, you can visualize certain words, make colour schemes or whatever helps you organizing your thoughts (e.g. on ways how to build confidence, pros and cons, characteristics of confident people).
  3. Find headings or captions for different groups of thoughts
  4. Take 15 – 25 minutes for this.
  5. Keep this mind map at a safe place, we will work with it again.

When we got this done we have a picture of our current knowledge about confidence. To work on ourselves and improve our self-confidence we have to be aware of our starting point. Let’s take a moment and figure out how confident we are at this exact point of our lifes. We do not 100 % know already what confidence is, as I said before, but we just take our picture/ definition of confidence for our first rating.

Please rate how confident you feel in the following parts of your life. The scale is from zero to ten where zero means not confident at all and ten means absolutely confident (without any doubt). Do not think to much about your answer, just write the number which first comes to your mind.

  1. work, college, school
  2. (social) interactions with strangers
  3. your appearance
  4. relationships with friends/ family
  5. everyday life decisions
  6. feel free to add parts that seem important to you

This exercise will also be part of our future work. We will stay open to change it if necessary but also use it as a way to measure our progress.

I will not share my mind map or scale at this point of the blog but I will use it in the further work on here, just wait ;).

I will post every sunday from now on to be able to make every post as informative as possible.

Lots of love,


About me

First of all, I want to welcome you in my little place for finding my true self. I am Sarah, twenty-two years old and just finished university. I want to find confidence, self love, my own values and give myself a chance to establish certain goals. I do have some of the above-named things but I do not have them straight. Maybe you know this state of mind. Nothing is really off but you have this feeling inside of yourself that you are not the best version of yourself.

What I hope to get from this blog?

Clarity, confidence, commitment.

If you also feel off the track at this part of your life, feel free to join this journey with me. I am willing to first find out what confidence is, what identity is and how it is formed and then later get to the point of how we all can be the best version of ourselves.

We all can be what we want to be at any part of our lifes.

Lots of love,


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